May 15th, This isn't the Candy Floor

     The prompt for today is to write in first person.  For me, that's like old home week because the fanfiction I write is in first person.  Most of the stories have points of view from the other characters as well.  This is an excerpt from a story I'm working on for fanfiction.  I don't own Lula, Stephanie, Ranger, they belong to Janet Evanovich.  The name Lurch comes from the Addams Family TV show, although my character has a close resemblance to him.  The receptionist at the information desk belongs to me, though, as do the events of the scene.

     It was nearly nine-thirty when Lula and I arrived at JoAnne’s Chocolates.  We made our way into the building and stopped at reception to ask the blonde sitting behind the information desk where we needed to go.  Her gaze raked over Lula in her leopard print leggings and zebra striped tank top and writing us off.  Her tone was frosty as she said, “I wouldn’t even bother if I were you.  I doubt that either of you will last beyond the first hour.”

     Lula gave her a glare before saying, “You an uppity bitch, ain’t you?  Well, Miss Thing, just so as you know we’ll be seeing you at quitting time.” 

     With that, Lula sashayed over to the elevator—as much as a plus sized woman can sashay—and pressed the up and down arrows to call both cars. 

     By the time I joined her she’d turned as if to see what was keeping me.  Her eyes flicked past me to the desk and she made a face.  I could only guess that the blonde had done something to draw the look.  Lula confirmed that when I stopped beside her.  “I swear I’m gonna snap her like a twig if she don’t stop that bitch mood attitude thing she got going on.”

     I bit my lip so that the smile I was fighting wouldn’t slip.  Yes, Lula made me laugh but I would never hurt her feelings by making her think I was laughing at her.  It was more of a case that I lived vicariously through her because she wasn’t afraid to do the things I’d only think about. 

     I scanned the list of offices and said, “We need to go down three floors.”

     The elevator opened and the up arrow showed.  We waited and as we did, there was a snicker behind us.  No need to second guess who was behind that.  The second car opened and we stepped inside.  Lula flipped the blonde a hand gesture any Italian would be proud of and then pressed the button to tell the elevator where to take us. 

     When we arrived at our destination, it was a bit creepy.  We had to walk through a dark hallway in order to get to the office we needed, and there were all sorts of creepy noises going on. 

     Lula stopped.  “You sure we want ta work here?”

     “This is the best paying job of all the ones we applied for.  We have to give it a chance at least.”  I told her.

     She tilted her head, motioning to the door we were heading toward.  “This place kind of puts me in mind of those vampire homes you see at Halloween.”

      I rolled my eyes.  “I told you that you’ve been watching too much Twilight.”

     Her eyes widened and she looked like she was going to hyperventilate.  Her voice lowered so it was barely a whisper as she said, “You take that back.  That’s just wrong on so many levels.”

     I smiled.  I couldn’t help teasing her a little more by saying, “Just think how much money you could save if you stopped buying all of that Twilight stuff.”

     Lula’s hands went to her hips and she took on a pose telling people not to mess with her unless they wanted hurt. 

     Although I knew she would never hurt me, I also knew that I’d pressed the issue as much as I dared.  I giggled.  “I’m just kidding.”

     Her eyes rolled, “Yeah, I know, and one of these days I’m gonna get you back.”

     If nothing else, my teasing had served to distract us from the sounds we were hearing in the hallway, because now we were outside the door.  I knocked and at the muffled, “Come in,” I opened the door and we made our way inside.

     If we’d thought the hallway was creepy, that was nothing compared to the room we’d just stepped into.  The man standing in front of us was a twin to Lurch from the Addams Family.  On seeing us, the corner of his mouth lifted into a sneering smile and he made a sound that wasn’t a moan, groan, or growl, but some kind of combination of all three.

     Lula looked at me and by the look on her face I know that she was giving me a second chance to change my mind about working here.  What with everything that happened with Rangoonie, and Ranger reclaiming his home, I didn’t see as we had much choice.

      I gave him a finger wave and tried to force a smile to my face.  What came off was a weak imitation of the smile I was aiming for.  “We’re here about the job.”

     He nodded and pointed to something behind us.  We turned and it was all I could do not to scream my head off.  There on a shelf were all sorts of heads.  For several seconds, my heart was racing and I felt like we were done for.

     The Lurch look-a-like spoke, his voice was deep and he spoke very slowly.  “Those,” he pointed to the heads, “go on the mannequins.”  And with that he left the room.

     Lula used her hand to swat my arm.  “Just how the heck we supposed to attach them heads.  Mr. Long, tall, and creepy didn’t bother to let us in on that.”

     I shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Grab one of them and we’ll see if we can figure this out.”

     “Nuh uh!  You got the wrong scenario if you think I’m touching any of those heads.”

     I rolled my eyes as I let out a deep sigh.  “All right, then you get the body and I’ll get the head.”

     Lula took a look at the bodies, as at that moment, one of the arms went up in the air of its own accord, or so it seemed.  She jumped and I found myself between her and the mannequins. 

     I tried to turn around, but her grip tightened and there was nowhere for me to move.  I put as much authority in my voice as I could manage and told her, “You can let go now.  I think it was the force of the fan over there that caused the arm to move.”

     She shuddered.  “I think you just trying to make me feel better.  Well, it ain’t working.”

     I couldn’t help it, I grinned.  “Come on, the sooner we get this done, the sooner we can get out of here.”

     “Now you talking sense.  But I vote we just get out of here.”

     I shook my head as I went over and grabbed the first headless doll.  If I thought this was going to be easy, I was wrong.  The thing weighed more than I did.  I manipulated it over closer to where the heads were, and that’s when I saw that Lula was just standing there biting on her thumb nail as she made whining noises.  “Come on!  Just pick one and let’s get this done.”

     “Well I can’t decide.  Did you get a man body or a woman?”

     “They’re unisex, just pick a freaking head so we can get this done.”

     She huffed, then glanced my way. 

     If she didn’t hurry up, I was going to drop this sucker and then with the luck we’d been having lately, the thing would break.  Just as I felt my grip slipping, she brought over a head and tried to attach it. 

     Of course it couldn’t be that simple.  I felt like I was wrestling both Lula and the mannequin, first we’d swing one way and then another.  All of a sudden there was a pop and Lula squealed, “I got it!”

     She helped me to set the figure upright and then we stood back looking at her handiwork. 

     Lula looked over at me.  “You think they gonna notice that head on backwards?”

     I nodded.  “It’s kind of hard to miss.”

     “Well, I don’t like the feel of that thing.  You take the head this time.”

     It was pointless to argue because I knew that I’d wind up with the head anyway, so I just told her, “Make sure you hang onto the body.  It’s pretty slippery.”

     “I got it, don’t you be worrying none about me.  You just concentrate on fixing that head.”

     I tried to pull it off, but it was like it slid home when the head popped.  I yanked and the head moved, but so did the body and Lula. 

     “Damn, girl.  What are you trying to do?”

     I stopped tugging long enough to pull air into my lungs.  “I’m trying to get the head off so we can fix this thing.”

     Just then the door opened and Lurch returned.  When he saw the mannequin between us, his eye widened in horror.  The only word that escaped was when he said, “Ugh!”  He turned to look at us.  “You killed it.”

     Lula straightened, letting go of her end and smiled weakly at the man who’d just joined us.  “Sorry, Mr. Creepy guy, but we tried fixing it and the thing just won’t get fixed.”

     His eyes swung to her and narrowed. 

     All the hair on the back of my nape stood up on end.  I let the mannequin slide from my grip and grabbed Lula’s arm.  “We need to use the facilities.  We’ll be back in just a second.”

     Without waiting, I dragged Lula out of the room with me and had just gotten on the other side of the door when Lurch took a step toward us as he said, “Wait.”

     I pushed Lula toward the stairs and yelled, “Run!”

     Fortunately, Lula and I had been friends long enough that she knew when I yelled run, I wasn’t playing around.  We bypassed the elevator and entered the stairwell. We lucked out that the stairs were wide enough for both of us to run up them at the same time.  When we exited onto the main floor, we both took off running toward the front entrance. 

     As we closed in on our exit, I saw a black vehicle coming to a stop on the other side of the glass outside the building.  We were nearly at the door when Lurch spoke from behind us.  “Stop them!”

     Two uniformed guards started walking our way just as the front door opened and the sound of a gun being cocked could be heard loud and clear.  A warm hand reached out and drew me into a strong hold as a familiar voice said, “Babe.  Are you all right?”

     I nodded as I snuggled further into his hold.  “We are now.”