Sunday, May 4, 2014

May 4: Obsession

     Once again I chose to combine the two prompts we were given.  The following is an excerpt from one of my original works that is still in progress.  This is the first chapter, and we meet the bad guy first off.  Let me know what you think.

     Anger burned inside of him as he searched for a parking spot.  This hadn’t happened in the 1,765 days that he’d been following this routine.  This better not cost him his chance to see her, because if it did, Officer Patrick O’Neil would never forget today.  He crumpled the paper in his hand and tossed it onto the passenger’s seat. 
     An old woman opening a car door a couple of blocks down caught his attention and he slowed down to give her a chance to get in her car and pull out.  Her movements were beyond slow and he wanted to scream at her to bust a move, but he must keep an outward appearance of calm.
     His gaze flicked to his watch.  Eleven fifty-two.  By now he should have been in his spot so he could watch her approach.  He needed to hurry, damn it, and that old woman was taking her old sweet time. 
     He felt the anger growing inside.  Finally, she pulled out of the spot and slowly made her way down the street.  He hurriedly parked and after locking the car, set off to reach his vantage point before she arrived. 
     It took him nearly five minutes to reach the spot where he normally parked.  Being a creature of habit, he needed to follow his routine down to a T.  He stopped by the driver’s side door of the ford pickup parked in his usual spot, his mind automatically noting the number on the license plate.  From here, he moved across the road to the trail that led to the small cemetery.  As he moved, he mentally ticked off his routine.  Three hundred and twenty-nine steps, turn to the left and walk nine steps, then a slight right and go down ninety-one steps till he reached the bottom of the hill. 
     The bench where he normally sat was just across the clearing, thirty-one steps to get there, but he got no further than fourteen steps when a middle-aged woman sat down on his bench.  Fists clenched, he debated whether or not to join her, but matters were taken out of his hands as a teenage boy sat down.  
     Once again his gaze went to his watch.  Twelve thirteen.  He wanted to scream in frustration.  Instead, he turned one hundred and eighty degrees to see that she was already standing at the grave.  He’d missed it.  There was no way to know if today was the day that she was finally ready to move on, or if he would need to wait some more before approaching her. 
     His gaze went to the woman on the bench as he let himself listen in on the conversation she was having with the boy.  She was telling him about his father, Gavin Shehorn, and how he was a war veteran.  His fists clenched as he envisioned wrapping his hands around her throat and squeezing the life from her.  Too bad he couldn’t vent his frustration in that way.
     Turning back, his eyes glowed as he watched her.  He felt himself stirring as he watched her every move, hoping to catch anything he might have missed by not being here before she arrived.
     She looked nearly the same as the first time he’d seen her over fifteen years ago.  He remembered that night as if it were yesterday. 
     She’d smelled lightly of flowers, her black hair so dark it had shown blue in the moonlight as it flowed down past her buttocks.  When he’d touched her copper colored skin he’d gotten hard, electricity giving him a high he’d never been able to recreate since.  When he’d forced her down onto the ground and taken her, he’d felt alive for the first time in his life, and no matter how many times he’d tried to recreate that feeling, it had never happened again. 
     That’s when he knew that it had to be her.  She was the only one for him and it was imperative that he have her.  A smile graced his face. 
     Movement caught his eye and he tensed as a man approached her.  The man was familiar, build similar to his own but slightly more muscular.  When he placed his hand at the small of her back, rage boiled inside him.  Damien wanted to rush over and tear the man from her. 
     She turned her face up to the man and smiled.
     He leaned down to kiss her lightly on the lips, then his lips moved, as if he were saying something to her.
     Her head tilted a little more and she laughed. 
     Damien’s eyes narrowed as he focused on her, willing her to push him away.  Didn’t she realize that he was all wrong for her?  He was the one that she was destined to be with.  His foot moved forward against his will.  Forcing himself to stop because he wasn’t ready for a confrontation, he willed the man to turn so he could see his face. 
     She stilled, her head lifting a fraction of an inch more as she turned, looking in all directions.  When she was looking in Damien’s direction, her eyes widen as if she recognized him.  He knew that was impossible, after all, he’d worn a ski mask and it was dark.  There was no way she could know that he was the one who had taken her innocence that night.
     The man’s mouth was moving once again as if he were saying something to her, once again.
     She answered him and he finally turned so that his face was visible.   
     Shock ran through Damien as he looked at a face that was a familiar to him as his own.  The man raised his hand and waved.  Returning the wave, Damien moved toward them.  There was no other way. 
     Damien watched as her gaze moved between them, a puzzled look on her face.  She shuddered as she drew closer to him.  For the first time in thirty-nine years, he wanted to act on the impulses he’d had many times over the years to drain the life from him.
     His gaze moved to her. 
     Her downcast eyes seem reluctant to look at him.
     Damien forces a smile.  “So, this is why you haven’t been around much.”
     He grins.  “Can you blame me?”
     The feel of electricity coursing through his body from being so close to her has him shivering with excitement.  It’s stronger than the last time which puzzles him, unless it’s because of the anticipation causing it to spike.  He’d read where that could happen in some cases.
     Damien offered his hand, but instead of taking it, she wiped her hands on her jeans as she stepped even closer to him.
     He pulled her to him as he rested his chin on the top of her head.  “This is my twin brother, Damien.  I’ve told you about him.”
     She nodded.  “Yeah, I remember.”  Her eyes dart in Damien’s direction but she still won’t meet his gaze.  “Nice to meet you.”
     She’s lying.  He can sense it.  He stares at her intensely and she starts to fidget.
     A plan starts to form and his eyes become hooded so that Dante won’t be able to read his thoughts.  Not that he really believes one person can read another’s thoughts, but Dante is spooky like that.  When they were children, his brother would often spoil his fun by changing circumstances so that Damien wouldn’t have the opportunities he’d tried to engineer.
     Acting on his plan, he grinned before lifting his hand once again.  “I need to get going.”  He motioned to the woman and young man seated on the bench in the distance.  “I just came with some friends to pay my respects.  I’ll catch up with you later and maybe we can do lunch.”
     Dante nodded.  “Sounds good.”
     Damien held his hand out and the two shook hands before he turned to make his way back over to the bench.  Stopping just in front of the two seated there, he held his hand out once more, smiling to put them at ease.  “Hello.  My name is Dante Falcon.  I couldn’t help overhearing earlier that your son was a war hero.  I just wanted to tell you, I’m sorry for your loss.”
     The woman smiled sadly and nodded her head.  “Thank you.  It’s been a long time, but to me it was like it happened yesterday.”
     Damien leaned down and kissed her cheek. 
     Oddly, the woman put a hand to her throat and her eyes narrowed on him.  She stood and hurried away, dragging the boy with her. 
     One corner of Damien’s mouth crooked into a smile and his eyes seemed to glow an unnatural color for a moment before they returned to normal.  He slowly made his way after the two departing figures.  As he followed them, he started whistling an odd tune. 
      The woman picked up her pace as if the tune upset her in some way. 
     Each time her pace picked up, Damien’s smile grew and his eyes gleamed brighter. 
     Damien reached his car first and as he got in, the woman seemed to visibly relax.  After fastening the seatbelt and starting the car, his gaze moved to the rearview mirror.  He took note of her license plate before pulling out and driving away. 
     As he moved through the city, he started making a mental list of all the things that he would need to pull this off.  He didn’t need to write anything down, that was the benefit of having a photographic memory.  By the time he’d reached his home, he had a handle on just what his plan would entail.  He pressed the garage remote as he turned into his drive and then made sure the door was closed once he was parked. 
     Damien stopped at the bathroom off the kitchen as he entered the house.  His gaze went to the mirror over the sink.  His black hair was shoulder length and at the moment it was tied back in a ponytail.  His blue eyes seemed energized which he put down to anticipation of carrying out his plan.  Knowing he would have her soon made his blood heat with desire.
     He knew he was a handsome man.  The evidence in the mirror told him that, and it was reinforced by the fact that women were always throwing themselves at him.  He didn’t see them, though.  No ordinary woman could ever measure up to her.
     His mind went back to his twenty-fourth birthday.  He’d gone out with his wilder friends and they’d gotten high.  That’s when Miller had gotten the idea to grab some girls and have a party.  They’d gone out as a group, but as each one of them had chosen, the group had dwindled until finally he was the only one still out there looking. 
     He’d been ready to call it a night when he’d seen her.  His heart had stuttered as he’d fallen into line behind her.  She’d kept looking behind her and each time he’d blended in with a tree or some shrubbery until she was too far away from anything for her calls of help to be heard. 
     He’d quickened his pace, and when she’d started running, he was in a position to trip her.  He was on her in seconds.  She’d been no match for his superior strength, and after he’d taken her, he’d quickly tied her up and gagged her.  When he’d lifted her in a fireman’s carry, he’d started whistling.  She’d tried to struggle, but there would be no getting free for her.
     He’d taken her to his special place and that’s where he’d kept her for the better part of a month.  No one missed him because they’d thought he was on vacation.  A quick call and his trip had been canceled.  His eyes closed as he remembered how excited he’d felt to be inside her each time her took her.

     His gaze went to the mirror.  Soon…  I’m coming for you soon, love.

8 comments:

  1. egad, what a nasty piece of work he is. Poor girl is in for some super trouble. well done

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    1. Yes, this is only the beginning, and I haven't even gotten to his plan yet.

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  2. He scares me already!

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  3. wonderfully creepy and scary! You create wonderful images and scenes with your writing.

    You have a verb tense shift briefly in the middle of the story:

    ''She’s lying. He can sense it. He stares at her intensely and she starts to fidget. etc...''

    Also: use of -ing verbs: writing will be stronger if you avoid use of -ing verbs [or so the common grammar thinking is]. You can do a highlight search for ING then try rewriting in a different way.

    sunny

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    1. I debated on that one when I did the read through. Yes, you've found my weakness. I'm the only person I know who can start a sentence in the present and then go to the past and on to the future before I reach the end of the sentence. Thank you for the heads up and I'll keep that in mind. Thank you very much.

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  4. I do understand, I ve found myself doing it when I ve reread my oldest fanfics. It works when you re the writer and the character;s' feelings seem to be in your head and very immediate. But to a reader it is jarring and spoils the contiuity of the scene. [I believe]

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